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Kim Nelson: An Open Letter to the People Blocking the Door on the Irving Park...
Dear Man in Cubs Hat, Cluster of High School Kids Wearing Obtrusive Backpacks, and Woman in $100 Workout Pants Pushing Her Yoga Mat in a Double-wide Stroller: I know that none of us particularly enjoy...
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Kim Nelson: An Open Letter to Flip-Flops
Dear Flip-Flops, I’m sorry, but I just don’t get you. Many say that you are “sooooo comfortable”, but those people must have flat pancake feet. Whenever I try to wear you for more than an hour, my back...
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Kim Nelson: An Open Letter to Hot Humid Weather
Dear Hot Humid Weather, I have lived in the Chicago area for almost my entire life, coping with your tempestuous changing of the seasons. While most Chicagoans probably dislike winter the most, I am a...
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Elizabeth Gomez: An Open Letter to Men Who Insist on Texting Pictures of...
Dear Men Who Insist on Texting Pictures of Their Penis: I’m not judging you, honestly, I am not. Alright, I totally am. You deserve it, frankly. Listen, I’m into sexual fantasies. Really, I am. I love...
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Emily Lund: An Open Letter to Celebrities Who Use Their Platform to Speak...
Dear Dennis Rodman, Jenny McCarthy, Tom Cruise, Ted Nugent, and the like: I implore you to do your jobs. Sing songs, pose nude, play sports, and entertain us with your magical and mystical ways. We...
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Elizabeth Gomez (repost): An Open Letter to Men Who Insist on Texting...
Dear Men Who Insist on Texting Pictures of Their Penis: I’m not judging you, honestly, I am not. Alright, I totally am. You deserve it, frankly. Listen, I’m into sexual fantasies. Really, I am. I love...
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An Open Letter To A Rock Star
Dear Husband, I just wanted you to know that yesterday was not the day I figured out you were a rock star. Yesterday, I learned that you can play a fretless bass guitar at rapid speeds while doing the...
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Elizabeth Gomez: 2014 Go Fuck Yourself
Dear 2014, I’ll be honest, we had a good time… at first. You were like a soured short term relationship. Like the time I was working at that mall in Santa Anita and I started dating Carlos from Orange...
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Elizabeth Gomez: An Open Letter to Scented Candles
Dear Scented Candles: Cranberry, Lemon Lime, Pumpkin Spice, Spring Breeze, Clean Linen, Mango Strawberry Mojito, Holiday Forest, Gingerbread Picnic on a Warm Fucking Summer Day Where Unicorns Come to...
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Emily Lund: A Breakup Letter to Taylor [Repost]
Dear Taylor, We really need to end this! I can’t do it anymore. I know you think you are being a perfectly acceptable member of my life. I know I bother you daily and I visit you as often as I pee or...
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Kim Nelson: An Open Letter to Flip Flops [Repost]
Dear Flip Flops, I’m sorry, but I just don’t get you. Many say that you are “sooooo comfortable”, but those people must have flat pancake feet. Whenever I try to wear you for more than an hour, my back...
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Anita Mechler: An Open Letter to a Ponytail
Open letter to the grown-ass woman who swings her ponytail while walking: What it is about you that makes anger swing in me like a violent pendulum? I have seen you most mornings on my walk to the...
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